It's a War?

There is a confession I must make: I haven't been sticking to my processed-free diet. What I'm finding is that this challenge is extremely expensive. Funds are already tight, and I have no self-control. My husband and I live with his parents, so I can't simply rid the pantry and fridge of what I don't want to eat. My father-in-law is from Alabama, so his taste buds are deeply rooted in a steak-n-potatoes kind of food habit. And his deliciously sinful junk food cravings drive me insane. Like I said, I have no self-control.
Last week I missed Seroquel XR for about 3 days. I kept holding out, waiting for my doctor's office to get more samples in before the weekend. But I ended up having to shell out $25 to get 4 pills to last me until Monday. Turns out that for the most part, my mood was better. I haven't been irritated at all like I have been feeling for a while. It's been a nice vacation from Get-Out-Of-My-Face Land. So I lowered my dose from 100mg to 50mg. I'm not sleeping as well, but my mood is improving.
There was one day though that I was more depressed than normal. It was one of those nights that you can't fall asleep because everything within is burning and you want to jump out of your skin and scream at the top of your lungs. While on a trip to the louvre that night at 2am, I played the electronic game of 20 Questions. What I tried to get it to guess was the word "sorrow" (gloomy, I know), and this is what it guessed:

Close enough little game... close enough. What I am going through really is a violent war inside myself, against myself. I am constantly having to remind myself of the good things in my life. Depression is a dark mask that covers all the splendor in life. I know my life is good, even easier than most because I don't have children or a full time job, but depression dims everything. It makes me feel sad and lonely in the midst of a family full of big hearts.

The chemical imbalance of depression is a dangerous one if not treated. I know there is hope for me, and I'm fighting every day because I see that tiny glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. It's there. Some days I feel it, and those little moments of being free again encourage me to keep going for another day.

One of those little moments occurs every morning in bed, with the shades pulled back, sunlight pouring in, my husband greeting me with the warmest smile I've ever seen and a soft kiss on my lips. Most days this includes a perfectly warm cup of dark coffee. My journey would not be possible without this handsome charming man. He encourages me, always holds me when I'm down and never lets me wallow in my sorrow. He saves on a daily basis. This man is my incredible husband. I love you with all my heart, Matthew Drake.