Today I have a very special guest - Danielle Dore :)
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
This Past Week I...
With the weather going from the mid 50's straight to low 90's within a week, it feels as though our summer has arrived a wee bit early. No complaints here, minus the fact we don't have an air conditioner. Oi Vei.
My one week absence on my blog is contributed to two things. One: I haven't been working out. Two: I have been depressed. I'd say that I'm feeling more depressed than usual, but I'm finding myself having that thought more often than not. Needless to say, I'm pretty dang depressed over here.
With my lower than low mood, my eating habits have been quite shameful. For a little over a week now, I have been binge eating. This makes me feel more depressed and turning to food once again to bury the guilt of over eating. What a nasty cycle. My husband and I have teamed up to stop this habit. Today is the first day in over a week that I don't feel sickeningly full. Thank you, God.
Because of my fall backs, I have decided to re-start phase 3 of P90X. The first week went okay, but this week (week 10) was a dud. With summer practically here and our low budget, I need to be able to fit into my summer clothes, or I will spend an entire season sucking in my stomach and pulling down the legs of my shorts just to be some-what comfortable.
In the midst of my bloated and depressed self, my friend, Danielle, and I took Toby on his first hike to Whiskeytown Falls. Honestly, I thought that because of P90X that the steep hike would be easier. Ha! Even though is was my 4th time doing this hike, it was still quite a challenge. Danielle and I huffed and puffed the entire way up, following behind my little dog who ran up the entire way. As a result of our 2 hour hike, Toby became our newest inspiration, and we have dubbed ourselves "Sweat Sisters".
Today I made a promise to myself that I will not step on the scale until June 1st. What I really want is to never step on a scale again, but the only way for me to succeed is baby steps.
It's refreshing to be able to be honest on my blog about my pitfalls. I'm only human, and so are you. All we can do is our very best, and not hold ourselves to some ridiculous standard that we know we might never achieve. That would only be a suicide mission. And over here in the real world, we want to be able to say "mission accomplished".
My one week absence on my blog is contributed to two things. One: I haven't been working out. Two: I have been depressed. I'd say that I'm feeling more depressed than usual, but I'm finding myself having that thought more often than not. Needless to say, I'm pretty dang depressed over here.
With my lower than low mood, my eating habits have been quite shameful. For a little over a week now, I have been binge eating. This makes me feel more depressed and turning to food once again to bury the guilt of over eating. What a nasty cycle. My husband and I have teamed up to stop this habit. Today is the first day in over a week that I don't feel sickeningly full. Thank you, God.
Because of my fall backs, I have decided to re-start phase 3 of P90X. The first week went okay, but this week (week 10) was a dud. With summer practically here and our low budget, I need to be able to fit into my summer clothes, or I will spend an entire season sucking in my stomach and pulling down the legs of my shorts just to be some-what comfortable.
In the midst of my bloated and depressed self, my friend, Danielle, and I took Toby on his first hike to Whiskeytown Falls. Honestly, I thought that because of P90X that the steep hike would be easier. Ha! Even though is was my 4th time doing this hike, it was still quite a challenge. Danielle and I huffed and puffed the entire way up, following behind my little dog who ran up the entire way. As a result of our 2 hour hike, Toby became our newest inspiration, and we have dubbed ourselves "Sweat Sisters".
Today I made a promise to myself that I will not step on the scale until June 1st. What I really want is to never step on a scale again, but the only way for me to succeed is baby steps.
It's refreshing to be able to be honest on my blog about my pitfalls. I'm only human, and so are you. All we can do is our very best, and not hold ourselves to some ridiculous standard that we know we might never achieve. That would only be a suicide mission. And over here in the real world, we want to be able to say "mission accomplished".
P.S. Happy 50th blog post, Deb's Fitness Journey!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
TMS Therapy Day 5
Yesterday was good. I worked out, did my video on time, went for a walk with my friend, and overall my energy level felt normal-ish.
Today is the opposite. I even went in for my treatment with pajamas on. Since I got home my body has been parked in our bed. Maybe the weather has some role in this? Yesterday was perfect weather. Not too warm, and not too cold. Today is gloomy and wet.
TMS is becoming easier, and finally beginning to feel routine. Today wasn’t so bad. I watched some of the movie Blue Crush. I’m beginning to tell when the treatment is almost over because of this overwhelming burning sensation in my left nostril. The magnetic coil is also placed on the left side of my head, so I wonder if that attributes to it. Breathing through the pulses is becoming much easier as well, and I’m also able to keep my eyes open through it a little better.
Here are some photos my husband took yesterday before I started. We are waiting for written consent from Neurostar to record some of my treatment being done.
Today is the opposite. I even went in for my treatment with pajamas on. Since I got home my body has been parked in our bed. Maybe the weather has some role in this? Yesterday was perfect weather. Not too warm, and not too cold. Today is gloomy and wet.
TMS is becoming easier, and finally beginning to feel routine. Today wasn’t so bad. I watched some of the movie Blue Crush. I’m beginning to tell when the treatment is almost over because of this overwhelming burning sensation in my left nostril. The magnetic coil is also placed on the left side of my head, so I wonder if that attributes to it. Breathing through the pulses is becoming much easier as well, and I’m also able to keep my eyes open through it a little better.
Here are some photos my husband took yesterday before I started. We are waiting for written consent from Neurostar to record some of my treatment being done.
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| Why yes, that is a Rambo tee. |
Monday, April 9, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Easter Pity Party
Most commercials that I have seen lately suck, but there are definitely a few that make me laugh. You may have seen the Geico commercial about a man who can't afford to join a weight loss program, so he hires three middle school girls who watch his every move and famously say "Ew. Seriously? So gross."
Well, those are my exact thoughts when it comes to vegetables. I hate 'em. For as long as I can remember, I have been a picky eater. Even to this day I'll avoid serving myself a scoop of vegetables to go with my salmon or baked chicken. For about a week now I have been making smoothies, trying to sneak whatever veggies in there I can. You could literally throw a fresh cat turd in the blender, serve me a glass, and I my response would still be "Mmm! Vegetables!".
This method of "plug-nose-and-chug" is way easier than confronting a mighty mound of carrots and spinach on my plate knowing it must be eaten. Even though my depression is still the same, my body does feel different. It feels cleaner, and less bloated. I'm slowly getting closer to the mindset that food is fuel, which is something I desire very deeply to have engraved forever in my brain.
What I am struggling with this Easter season, however, is candy. It's gorgeous. The colorful foil wrappers and cute chocolate bunnies that have an entire isle of their own in every grocery store. Easter has always been a celebration of Jesus' resurrection, but deep down inside, I look forward to the sinful treats that I get to stuff my face with until I'm sick. Today I was having a pity party, to the point of tears.
I was nearly crying over the fact that I can't over-indulge in candy this year, or maybe ever again.
Seriously.
This sugar addiction has got to stop! I don't want to be emotional over the fact that over-consuming gooey chocolately Cadburry eggs is wrong. Honestly, when I think about never eating another dessert again, I feel like life wouldn't have the same quality, and that celebrations won't be as joyous. Why does restricting junk food feel like I'm restricting my life? Why does sugar have this much power over my emotions? Have I always had this problem?
Wow. I need help.
Well, those are my exact thoughts when it comes to vegetables. I hate 'em. For as long as I can remember, I have been a picky eater. Even to this day I'll avoid serving myself a scoop of vegetables to go with my salmon or baked chicken. For about a week now I have been making smoothies, trying to sneak whatever veggies in there I can. You could literally throw a fresh cat turd in the blender, serve me a glass, and I my response would still be "Mmm! Vegetables!".
This method of "plug-nose-and-chug" is way easier than confronting a mighty mound of carrots and spinach on my plate knowing it must be eaten. Even though my depression is still the same, my body does feel different. It feels cleaner, and less bloated. I'm slowly getting closer to the mindset that food is fuel, which is something I desire very deeply to have engraved forever in my brain.
What I am struggling with this Easter season, however, is candy. It's gorgeous. The colorful foil wrappers and cute chocolate bunnies that have an entire isle of their own in every grocery store. Easter has always been a celebration of Jesus' resurrection, but deep down inside, I look forward to the sinful treats that I get to stuff my face with until I'm sick. Today I was having a pity party, to the point of tears.
I was nearly crying over the fact that I can't over-indulge in candy this year, or maybe ever again.
Seriously.
This sugar addiction has got to stop! I don't want to be emotional over the fact that over-consuming gooey chocolately Cadburry eggs is wrong. Honestly, when I think about never eating another dessert again, I feel like life wouldn't have the same quality, and that celebrations won't be as joyous. Why does restricting junk food feel like I'm restricting my life? Why does sugar have this much power over my emotions? Have I always had this problem?
Wow. I need help.
P90X 60 Day Weigh-In
Technically, it's my P90X 59 day weigh-in. But tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and I'm just too anxious to wait any longer! As you can see in my last blog entry, I only worked out an average of every other day. This means I didn't work as hard as phase one, and I knew this would mean my results wouldn't be as drastic.
But nonetheless, there is change. Once again, I could have sworn that my body would look exactly the same! Even though the difference isn't big, it's still exciting to see my body go through this transformation. Slowly but surely, I'm on my way to being in tip top shape.
But nonetheless, there is change. Once again, I could have sworn that my body would look exactly the same! Even though the difference isn't big, it's still exciting to see my body go through this transformation. Slowly but surely, I'm on my way to being in tip top shape.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
February & March Workouts
March doesn't look nearly as pretty as February. But as I have mentioned before, I need to keep in mind that I used to not workout at all! And working out on an average of every other day is much better than not working out at all.
Below you'll see a "key" that I have created for those interested in knowing which workouts I have done on each day. My 60 day weigh-in is in 3 days. You may have noticed that I have not once mentioned how much I actually weigh. Even though my weigh-in days are called just that, it's really the inches lost that I consider victories. I feel that on my journey towards a healthy body, that pounds are mostly irrelevant.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
After First TMS Appointment
*DEEP BREATH* Whew!
I'm so glad that's over. Right after I blogged earlier about how I was a nasty mess, I took the quickest shower in the history of Debra. I even blow-dried my hair. It was my little Wednesday victory. The first day always takes the longest, due to having to adjust the machine to my body and finding the correct spot in my brain that controls mood. That part wasn't bad at all. What wasn't fun was getting the treatment itself.
The feeling is so hard to explain, but I'll try my best. It feels as though a dull metal rod is tapping hard against my soft brain, with the pain extending from the point of penetration down to the roof of my mouth. The magnetic stimulations are the fast tappings that happen for a short time, and then I get a short brake. This repeats for 37 minutes.
Towards the end of the session, the area on my head where the coil was placed felt like it was very heated. When I mentioned this, my husband took a photo while I was still sitting in the chair after the procedure was over.
The red spot on my head is where the coil was placed. We asked my doctor if we could record one of my sessions, and he has to get permission from Neurostar. As soon as we have the green light, I'll post a video on here so you can see what it's like.
See my red nose? I was literally crying the entire time. Not so much because of the pain, but because my emotions were just out of whack. My anxiety was really high. One of the staff members kept bringing me fresh tissues. She was so sweet. Everyone was. I don't think I could have chosen a better group of people to help me through this process.
Well, I have one day under my belt. I have a headache, but it's not too bad. Now I go in Monday through Friday for 6 weeks. The only way I'm going to get through the remaining 29 sessions is by taking it one day at a time.
I'm so glad that's over. Right after I blogged earlier about how I was a nasty mess, I took the quickest shower in the history of Debra. I even blow-dried my hair. It was my little Wednesday victory. The first day always takes the longest, due to having to adjust the machine to my body and finding the correct spot in my brain that controls mood. That part wasn't bad at all. What wasn't fun was getting the treatment itself.
The feeling is so hard to explain, but I'll try my best. It feels as though a dull metal rod is tapping hard against my soft brain, with the pain extending from the point of penetration down to the roof of my mouth. The magnetic stimulations are the fast tappings that happen for a short time, and then I get a short brake. This repeats for 37 minutes.
Towards the end of the session, the area on my head where the coil was placed felt like it was very heated. When I mentioned this, my husband took a photo while I was still sitting in the chair after the procedure was over.
The red spot on my head is where the coil was placed. We asked my doctor if we could record one of my sessions, and he has to get permission from Neurostar. As soon as we have the green light, I'll post a video on here so you can see what it's like.
See my red nose? I was literally crying the entire time. Not so much because of the pain, but because my emotions were just out of whack. My anxiety was really high. One of the staff members kept bringing me fresh tissues. She was so sweet. Everyone was. I don't think I could have chosen a better group of people to help me through this process.
Well, I have one day under my belt. I have a headache, but it's not too bad. Now I go in Monday through Friday for 6 weeks. The only way I'm going to get through the remaining 29 sessions is by taking it one day at a time.
Before First TMS Appointment
My very first TMS appointment is in less than an hour. My hair is greasy, my PJ's are still on, I haven't showered in two days, and I'm quite an emotional mess. Why am I freaking out so badly over this? Okay, that's a stupid question, because I know exactly why.
I'm afraid this won't work.
My mind is filled with all these "what-ifs". What if it hurts too bad? What if I get there and I can't stop crying? What if I can't make it in every day for 6 weeks? What if this is a big waste of money?
God, my all-powerful, almighty heavenly father, who created the heavens and the earth, who created ME, you can do ANTYHING. Nothing is too great of a task for you. I'm asking you to please let all these fears of mine vanish. Please don't let them control me. You have made it possible to do this treatment, and I'm trusting that you won't let this treatment go in vain. Please, God. Please comfort me right now. Hold me in your arms. I need you so badly.
Amen.
I'm afraid this won't work.
My mind is filled with all these "what-ifs". What if it hurts too bad? What if I get there and I can't stop crying? What if I can't make it in every day for 6 weeks? What if this is a big waste of money?
God, my all-powerful, almighty heavenly father, who created the heavens and the earth, who created ME, you can do ANTYHING. Nothing is too great of a task for you. I'm asking you to please let all these fears of mine vanish. Please don't let them control me. You have made it possible to do this treatment, and I'm trusting that you won't let this treatment go in vain. Please, God. Please comfort me right now. Hold me in your arms. I need you so badly.
Amen.
Monday, April 2, 2012
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