Getting In The Groove Of Things

The last 5 months have been quite an adventure. In December I began P90X (attempt #2) and eating clean. What a life changer it has been. My depression isn't nearly as bad as it used to be, but my energy is still pretty low.

In March I visited a chiropractor, where I found out I have Advanced Spinal Degeneration in my neck. This is causing my vertebrae to grind against each other, while pinching my spinal cord. We think this has a lot to do with my health problems. My chiropractor says my body is running at about 30% capacity (I can attest to this estimate!).

I have been adjusted a few times, and I find that I'm always more emotional afterwards, since I'm experiencing a flood of hormones flowing through my body. It's crazily amazing how powerful our bodies are. We have a 3 month treatment plan set up for me, and I can't wait to get started. But first, to save up the money.

Until then, I'm just going to keep doing my thing: pushing my body every day like a badass. I took up running in January, and I absolutely love it. It's probably quite comical to see me run, but hey, I just don't care. About 7 weeks ago though, I injured my pelvic muscle. Probably from my new love of running. But I didn't realize it. I thought maybe I bruised my hip from running into something (I'm the definition of clumsy). After 4 weeks of the pain not subsiding, and a weekend of 8.5 miles making the pain worse, I knew it was time to see the doctor.

He prescribed me a topical anti-inflammatory to use for the next few weeks, and told me to not do any physical activity (running, hiking, walking, leg training) for the next 6 weeks.

AGGHHH.

He did, however, say I could swim. And because I didn't want to stop moving, Matt and I went out that afternoon on a mission to find a gym with a pool at a good price. And this is where my gym life began.

We joined a gym close to us the very next day (April 6) and have only taken a 2 day break since then. I started out swimming, but got bored with it and realized that it was making my hip hurt even worse. I mean, there are ways to swim that wouldn't, but they didn't get my heart rate high enough. Not to mention I got bored pretty quickly.

Now I weight train my upper and middle body every day. P90X was a great foundation for this, but I have since moved on. I created a 3 day sequence using bodybuilding.com and have been really enjoying getting out of the P90X groove.

Being at the gym is helping tremendously with my social anxiety. I can't even begin to describe how hard it's been to force myself to be around people every day, especially in a place where "normal" people get social anxiety too! Being around a bunch of buff and fit people can be really intimidating. But breaking my mental cycle is imperative if I want to have a life outside of my bedroom.

So I'm a gym person now. I would have never ever guessed in a million years this would happen, especially since I've been a member of 3 other gyms and have gone only a few times and hated it. This time is different. I'm in the right mindset now. And that is most important when it comes to achieving your fitness goals.





P.S. Here is a progress photo from March. When I started P90X again in December, I weighed 151 (which is 9 pounds more than the "before" photo here... I was too embarrassed to take another one so I just used an old one). In the "after" photo I am about 135. Today I've lost a total of 20 pounds. Yay :)

Happy 2013!

Happy Halloween!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Merry Christmas!
Happy 2013!

Since August, I've tried even more medications, none of which have helped any of my symptoms of severe fatigue, Mono, Major Depression and anxiety. At the beginning of December I hit a wall. My doctors are stumped and don't know what else to do for me.

Something within me changed. It was pretty drastic too. It was time to start eating clean and take matters into my own hands if I was ever going to heal my body of all its problems. Since then I have beat my sugar addiction (something I swear would have never happened), cut out two medications and have reduced my Major Depression by about 50%.

Those are huge victories. And they happened in 6 weeks.

The same day I began eating clean, I started P90X again. Today was day 40, and I'm doing even better with staying on track this time than before. I'm running out of options, so staying serious about getting my body in the best shape possible is very important. It's the only way I'll ever beat these health problems that have invaded my life.

June Is Here!!!

Why is this exciting? There's a few reasons. One: It's my favorite month of the year. Summer is almost here and it meant summer break as a kid. Two: It's my anniversary month. My husband and I married on June 7th four years. We usually do something fun every year, and this year we are going to Sacramento to Water World with his sister and her husband. And I get to see old friends and my sister whom I haven't seen in years! Needless to say, next weekend is going to be a blast. And three: I get to weigh myself after 6 weeks of not knowing my weight.

At the end of April I promised to not weigh myself until June 1st after not stepping on the scale for about a week already. It has been so great not knowing my weight! Us women tend to obsess over the number the scale flashes at us. I have been telling myself "Today I feel like I weigh XXX." And so it would be, because I believed it. In a way I made my own reality with how much I weighed, and I have to say it has been freeing.

This morning I woke up, excited to know the true number that my body weighs. When I stepped on the scale I was shocked, to say the least. I had lost 10 pounds. Now, I did have the stomach flu for the first half of May, but I also didn't start eating healthy again until this Monday. What I'm afraid happened was that I lost all the muscle I built during P90X, and instead of being happy that I lost 10 pounds, I'm pretty sad about it.

Now, I could go measure myself, but I'm not sure how much good that would do. If I did lose muscle then wouldn't my measurements still show a loss in inches? I'm unsure. But I'll do it anyway. In fact, I'll go do it now.

My arms are the same, however, I lost a total of 3.4 inches. Once inch from my chest, 1 inch from my waist, 1 inch from my hips, and .2 inches from each thigh. Because I gained weight and inches from not doing P90X, I am now back to where I was when I last did P90X, only lighter with less muscle. Happy and sad at the same time. My ultimate goal is to be very toned, not fit into certain size jeans.

What are your fitness goals?

My Body's Progress

Time to get back onto the fitness wagon! Especially after a day out on on the lake yesterday in a barely there bikini. I can't even begin to describe how self-concious I felt, but I have a hunch that you know that feeling all too well.

In my last video, I mentioned that I would take photos of my current body. By now it's been about 5 weeks since I have done P90X, and now that my stomach flu is finally over I'd like to pick up where I left off. I made it through phase 1 and 2 of P90X, and started day 1 of phase 3. I think I'll simply begin phase 3 again so I can start off by doing weight training ( I love it way more than cardio, which is day 2).

So... well... here they are *closes eyes*...

Ok, so it could be worse. I'm not back to square one, but I have regressed a bit. On April 22 I made a promise to not weigh myself until June 1st (only 3 more days until I can! Yay!) so I have no idea what I weigh. As Flab2Fab mentioned, gaining weight is a part of the journey. I need to accept this and keep moving forward.

Being in my bikini on Memorial Day: brave or inconsiderate?

Here's something interesting. This is a chart of my blog's facebook page activity for the month of May. I find it interesting how accurately it reflects my depression and mood. During the middle of this month I seemed to be doing worse than usual, and the chart reflects that. Fascinating.

P90X Update

Here is a vlog from yesterday updating my readers on where I'm at in my P90X program.

Happy hump day everyone :)

 

This Past Week I...

With the weather going from the mid 50's straight to low 90's within a week, it feels as though our summer has arrived a wee bit early. No complaints here, minus the fact we don't have an air conditioner. Oi Vei.

My one week absence on my blog is contributed to two things. One: I haven't been working out. Two: I have been depressed. I'd say that I'm feeling more depressed than usual, but I'm finding myself having that thought more often than not. Needless to say, I'm pretty dang depressed over here.

With my lower than low mood, my eating habits have been quite shameful. For a little over a week now, I have been binge eating. This makes me feel more depressed and turning to food once again to bury the guilt of over eating. What a nasty cycle. My husband and I have teamed up to stop this habit. Today is the first day in over a week that I don't feel sickeningly full. Thank you, God.

Because of my fall backs, I have decided to re-start phase 3 of P90X. The first week went okay, but this week (week 10) was a dud. With summer practically here and our low budget, I need to be able to fit into my summer clothes, or I will spend an entire season sucking in my stomach and pulling down the legs of my shorts just to be some-what comfortable.

In the midst of my bloated and depressed self, my friend, Danielle, and I took Toby on his first hike to Whiskeytown Falls. Honestly, I thought that because of P90X that the steep hike would be easier. Ha! Even though is was my 4th time doing this hike, it was still quite a challenge. Danielle and I huffed and puffed the entire way up, following behind my little dog who ran up the entire way. As a result of our 2 hour hike, Toby became our newest inspiration, and we have dubbed ourselves "Sweat Sisters".

Today I made a promise to myself that I will not step on the scale until June 1st. What I really want is to never step on a scale again, but the only way for me to succeed is baby steps.

It's refreshing to be able to be honest on my blog about my pitfalls. I'm only human, and so are you. All we can do is our very best, and not hold ourselves to some ridiculous standard that we know we might never achieve. That would only be a suicide mission. And over here in the real world, we want to be able to say "mission accomplished".

P.S. Happy 50th blog post, Deb's Fitness Journey! 

Vlog Monday #8

If you are a new member of my blog, this video recap will bring you up to date :)

Vlog Monday #7

Lucky number 7 ;)

P90X 60 Day Weigh-In

Technically, it's my P90X 59 day weigh-in. But tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and I'm just too anxious to wait any longer! As you can see in my last blog entry, I only worked out an average of every other day. This means I didn't work as hard as phase one, and I knew this would mean my results wouldn't be as drastic.

But nonetheless, there is change. Once again, I could have sworn that my body would look exactly the same! Even though the difference isn't big, it's still exciting to see my body go through this transformation. Slowly but surely, I'm on my way to being in tip top shape.

February & March Workouts

March doesn't look nearly as pretty as February. But as I have mentioned before, I need to keep in mind that I used to not workout at all! And working out on an average of every other day is much better than not working out at all.

Below you'll see a "key" that I have created for those interested in knowing which workouts I have done on each day. My 60 day weigh-in is in 3 days. You may have noticed that I have not once mentioned how much I actually weigh. Even though my weigh-in days are called just that, it's really the inches lost that I consider victories. I feel that on my journey towards a healthy body, that pounds are mostly irrelevant.

I Can't Stop Thinking About Food!

Vlog Monday

V3 (Voyager Health Supplement) Review

For the past two days I have taken what is known as V3: Weight Management Complex Energy + Mood + Appetite Control. Yes, I am against diet pills, but I honestly didn't know this until after I read the label which happened to be after I took the pills. This wasn't smart, and I'm realizing this now.

Day 1 made me go a little insane. I made a short video which portrays how I actually felt. All joking aside, I was a little scared. When my husband came home from work and saw me all bug-eyed, he straight up told me I looked crazy. The combination of ingredients in the V3 pill revved up my engine higher than it would normally run on a good day for me, which meant my body worked harder than ever before. I cleaned, organized, swept, dusted, did a bunch of stuff I have been putting off for months and powered through my workout with ease. But as I was doing my last cool down stretch for ab ripper, I literally fell asleep.

After what I'm assuming was about five minutes, I woke up in child's pose on my yoga mat. Immediately I called for my husband, who had to physically pick me up and sit me down on our office chair. One pill and three hours later, my body crashed. Now why did I take it again this morning? Probably because I'm retarded. Nothing happened today anyway. Nothing. Zip. Nada. It was almost as though I didn't even take a V3 pill.

This evening I finally did the smart thing and read the tiny packet the pills came in. There is a laundry list of people who should not take this supplement. Because it's not clearly listed on the Voyager Health website, I am listing it here. What I underlined is what pertains to me. I'm a little nervous about reviewing A.C.E. now. From now on, I am never popping anything that I don't thoroughly know about. Lesson fully learned.

Click photo to be directed to Voyager Health website

Goosfraba... Goosfraba...

We all get upset, and even experience anger from time to time. Each individual expresses these emotions in their own way. Some people yell, some don't say anything, and others shut down. When I get angry, I cry.
Because of my depression, I can't hold a steady job. My unstable emotions make me unreliable, even with medication. Therefore, my husband is the only source of income. He is a full time Christian Counseling student and works a part time job. As you can imagine, this is not enough income for us to live on our own. Thankfully, my in-laws are amazing people who graciously let us stay with them.
My husband is wonderful. I mean the best I could have found. He takes care of me, washes our clothes, helps take care of our 4 pets, studies every day, reads endlessly, works with children on a daily basis, works out, finds time for his friends and family, and is so patient with me. This guy has a stressful life, but still remains so calm and encourages me all the time. He always brings me up when I am down, tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and never ceases to make me laugh (even in the midst of my breakdowns). He's talented to be able to juggle all these things and deal with a spouse who has severe clinical depression.
Now there are a few people who have a problem with me living with my in-laws and blames my husband for not being a good provider. Today could have easily been a horrific day for me, and maybe even the next few weeks could have been ruined too. I base this off of my past experiences. When these people say things to me to bring me down, it works, and I shut down. These people mean so much to me, and to hear negative things come out of their mouths kills me. My bed becomes my new home and I question over and over why. I don't take showers or take care of myself. For a short time, I die inside.

Not today.

Today I took the high road. I am better than those who have nothing better to do than think of minuscule things and blow them out of proportion to have a reason to argue and hate against me and those I love dearly. Instead I shed a brief tear, tore up the punching bag the best I knew how and exercised for the next hour and 45 minutes. I never had so much fun working out than I did today.

This is the last time I mention you, or even spend my time thinking about you. You are such a negative influence in my life and only bring me down. I love you both and wish you the best of luck with the remainder of your years.

"But in that coming day no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken!" - Isaiah 54:17 NLT"

Be Strong

I am the most athletically challenged person I know. Some people who weigh 2-3 times as much as I do are in more shape than I am. Carrying in groceries, standing up from sitting on the floor and even standing up for long periods of time are just a few things that have been difficult for me. My six years of major clinical depression are to blame for my physical incapabilities.

Any person that has experienced depression knows how hard it is to have to claw and fight your way out of that deep dark hole continuously just to continue breathing. Anyone who can withstand depression, let alone for multiple years, and still be alive today is STRONG. Not letting depression suck you into its depths and keep you there means that you are a FIGHTER.  Anyone with a strong enough mindset to not have committed suicide during a horrible mental illness can GET THROUGH ANYTHING.

"Where there is a will, there is a way."

You can do it. You have the capability to push yourself on a daily basis and move your body. It is by no means easy. In fact it may be that furthest thing from it. Whether it be P90X, another Beachbody workout, or any other physical activity that you chose, you are capable. It's all mental.

Now there are some exceptions, such as knee or back injuries, but the Internet is a glorious thing. There are many low-impact workouts out there. People are so creative in finding ways around obstacles that stand in the way between them and being healthy. Don't let anything stand in YOUR way. I'm not letting anything stand in mine.

Vlog Monday

Yay! It's here!

P90X 30 Day Weigh-In

Today was the day I have been fearing all week. Because I missed three days in a row of working out, I was afraid it would affect my weigh-in. In all honesty, I wasn't expecting my body to change at all. After I took my photos, I was a little shocked. Change is so gradual you don't feel it until you take a step back and look at the whole picture. I contemplated whether or not to post this photo. This is called Deb's Fitness Journey, not Deb's Fitness Results where I only show you my body when I'm all done. This is the real deal.
So here it is, my 30 day P90X weigh-in. It's almost embarrassing, but I told myself I'd share the nitty gritty throughout this journey.. I wish I could blame Seroquel XR for making me gain so much weight, but before I began that medication my emotional eating was already out of control.

 

Weird right? Maybe it's only weird to me. Who sees this kind of perspective of their body every day? The mirror behind my bedroom door sure didn't show me this. All I did was push myself through every exercise. In NO way was this a simple challenge. The last month has been one of the hardest 30 days I've faced. On top of dragging myself out of bed, I had to push myself to move. I hate moving. My bed was my best friend, but now I'm not so sure any more. More and more am I realizing it's my enemy. The thought of staying in it all day feels so right, but actually being in it feels so wrong.

I'm not even sure why I decided to do P90X. Turbo Jam works perfectly fine. Maybe I figured if I'm going to torture myself, I might as well go all out. Well... this sure is an all out torture, but the best one EVER.

Anxiety Up The Wazoo

Today I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I felt that if I saw or spoke to anyone I would burst out in tears. On my way to my friend's house to drop something off, I began to ask myself a series of questions that sometimes helps.
* Am I going to die? No.
* Am I being forced to do something I don't want to? No.
* Did someone say something hurtful to me? No.
* Is something bad about to happen? No.
Seriously, why did I feel like crying? I was going to a bunco party but ended up canceling because my anxiety was getting out of control. But even after I knew I didn't have to go, I still felt like crying uncontrollably. It never makes sense. Anxiety never does. I'm glad I was driving, because when I do I am able to see God's amazing artwork that surrounds me where I live.

Redding is beautiful. When I moved here, I didn't plan to stay long, but now I never want to leave. Seeing the snow covered mountains that ascend from dark to light colors are a breathtaking view that even after 5 years, I do not take for granted.

View of Mt. Shasta

Sundial Bridge

And my favorite - Whiskeytown Lake <3

Even at this moment though, I still have anxiety. Some of it has to do with the fact that I haven't worked out in two days. In my defense (against my own mind) I am menstruating. Now remember I hardly have any energy to begin with. So for the past two days I have been sleeping. Being awake hurts. It doesn't help that my father-in-law brought home more deliciousness.

Someone please tell my father-in-law to hide his stash in his room. Please.

See what I'm dealing with here? Months ago he bought criss-cut fries in bulk, and those are so easy to pop in the air cooker. Why is eating healthy so hard? Why is sugar so addicting? This fitness journey is getting harder by the day. And I have to admit, that the beautiful orange square on the 29th of February was filled in before I worked out. I had every intention to do Kenpo X. Honest. My body hasn't done any working out since Monday. Ugh. It does NOT feel good. Tony I miss you. Energy needs to come in a magic pill that I can take once and I'll forever be an energizer bunny. Please pray for me.

Goodbye February

This February has definitely been different than the rest. Never in my life have I worked out consistently, or even this much! I have been keeping track of my workouts on Team Beachbody's website. It's free, easy, and it always feels good to go there after I workout and fill in what I accomplished that day.

See all the pretty orange squares? Those are days I worked out. February 6th is the day I started P90X. Before then I was doing Chalene's Turbo Jam. Boy I miss her. Tony is ruthless, but he's making me stronger. Day 1 I was squirming on the ground, trying to lift my body with no avail in attempt to do a side-tri-rise. Week 3 I was able to do 1.5 side-tri-rises on each side! Slowly but surely, my body is changing.

March 3 is the beginning of a weight loss challenge that I joined hosted by BB Product Reviews. I am among 25 female participants. There are 5 video weigh-ins in the month of March, and the girl who loses the most weight wins $50. Although the money would be nice, I'm more excited about having others that I can talk to and help hold each other accountable. Besides, a challenge always makes for great motivation.

Last week I made a video of what my first 3 weeks of P90X consisted of. Some of it 'aint pretty. It kind of makes me laugh. When do we ever see ourselves workout?

Goodbye birthday month, the next time we see each other I'll be ripped out of my mind. Hasta la vista leap year.

Lent and Weight Gain

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. Honestly, I would not have known this if I hadn't come across another blog about someone else's journey towards fitness. Never have I participated in Lent; it didn't seem necessary since I'm not Catholic. But TSunshine inspired me. It can't be denied that my focus on God has greatly diminished since I began my fitness journey. I've decided to give up processed foods until April 6th - Good Friday.  I'm finding that sacrifice to be quite ambitious now that I'm one day in. Yesterday was a huge success until I had ice cream! Oops. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up. So far in the last 12 hours I've read my Bible more than I have in a month! Boy that sounds depressing, but it's progress.

Since my tiny victory of losing 6.8 pounds, I have gained most of it back. It's heartbreaking. I keep telling myself it's not about the scale. But as a female, those three tiny numbers have crept their way to the control center of my brain. They gotta move out. PRONTO. Especially with my depression, it's easier for me to dwell on the little things. What does feel good, is the fact that my pants fit me again. They aren't tight like they used to be back in January. *little dance*

Today is day 18/90 for P90X. The first time I did Yoga X I only lasted 45 minutes. Last Thursday I didn't even do it because I was so depressed my body literally couldn't get out of bed. This is the day I complete the 90 minute session. Maybe my mom will do it with me. (Feb 26 UPDATE- I didn't do Yoga X. Thankfully I'm not beating myself up over it.)

Speaking of my mom, I'm finding that the days I see her are better ones. About a month ago, she moved to the same town as me. Before then she had always been at least 5 hours away. She's my best friend, and being away from your best friend for months at a time, especially your mom, is the worst. Yesterday she went to Walgreens while I was doing P90X, and brought me back a recipe book titled Glycemic Index Cookbook. She's awesome, minus the Girl Scout cookies that live in her pantry.