Daily Ray of Sunshine

For the last month or so, I have been seeing a counselor once a week after doing my TMS treatments. At the beginning of this month while talking to my counselor, Staci, she suggested a little something for me to help me during my seemingly harder times with depression lately. This little exercise has me seeking out each and every positive occurrence throughout every day of mine. "Even if you simply smell a beautiful flower, you can look at that a positive in your day." That challenge was happily accepted, considering I'm willing to try anything to be less miserable.

Since that visit with Staci, I have started a new page on this blog devoted to my everyday blessings. I am now finding myself paying attention to everything that happens throughout the day and finding my "daily ray of sunshine" amid my severe depression. It might seem cheesy, but I urge you to try for yourself. You'll be surprised how it'll change your perception.

Needless to say, I'm still extremely depressed, even more so lately. There are 27 TMS sessions under my belt. Over a week ago I missed a day because I had a panic attack at the office, and I have missed the last 3 days due to a horrid stomach flu that landed me in the ER Monday night. My husband says that even though it's not night and day, TMS is helping me. He and I both see that I haven't spent nearly as much time as I use to in bed. What he doesn't feel is what I do inside. Even though my fight is strong, the pain inside me seems stronger. TMS feels like a failure to me. Why even carry out the rest of my treatments? It's a waste of my time and money.

And yes, that's me talking. Not the depression... right? Right. Wait a minute...