The Bad. And the Ugly

What's wrong with me?! I feel so ashamed. There's no way I'm the only one who has done this and regretted it even before it was done. Or am I? My blog is here to hold myself accountable, and to help others who are struggling through the same things as me. Today is only one day, but with one big mistake.
Yesterday I started the 3 day Shakeology cleanse. It has been rough. Not being able to use food as my comfort like I did before my journey has proven extremely difficult for me. Extremely difficult. Today is day 2 of my cleanse, and I blew it in 20 minutes. I just couldn't take it any more. A crunchy bag of beef Ramen, a handful of Hershey Kisses, and a scoop of vanilla ice cream. In that order. Now remember, I'm lactose intolerant, so I can't even digest dairy. My body immediately rejects it; thankfully back the way it came in. But did I really just consume those things in that sequence to my advantage? It's shameful to admit, but if I'm really honest with myself, I think yes.
Don't get me wrong. Thankfully I've never struggled with anorexia or bulimia. But today? Why today? Guilt has entirely consumed me. Do I really not have any self control that I can't fully commit to a three day cleanse? Really, Debra?? Am I really that weak of a person? Or is this just a weak moment? I haven't even done Yoga X yet, and it's already 5pm. I just want to sleep. My bed is sucking me in. Is this the crash that I mentioned? God please don't let me crash, I have been doing so well! If anyone is reading, today is one of those days I could really use prayer.

Not-So-Bad Monday

As I type, I'm munching on a "healthy" brownie. Sometime last year, My Aunt Lala told me about "black bean brownies". Immediately my face cringed. "That sounds gross," I told her. She insisted they were delicious and that you couldn't even taste the beans. So this evening I searched allrecipes.com for black bean brownies. There was only one recipe, and I tried it.

The brownies really aren't that bad. There is no flour or leavening agents in this recipe, so the texture is a little different. It's texture seems dry, but it's strangely moist at the same time. One thing is for sure: my chocolate craving has been satisfied, and I feel good knowing I added a little extra fiber and protein to my diet.

Aside from my baking adventure, Toby and I went on another walk. We saw a super cute Westie on the opposite side of a chain linked fence. They became instant friends. When we got home he slept like a rock. Finally. He is so high energy that usually a walk only peps him up. Maybe it's because his walks are becoming more regular. One point for me. Somehow I summoned the energy after our walk to do Turbo Jam's 20 minute "Ab Jam". It burned soo good. It was after that workout that I craved the brownies. That better not become a regular thing, or I'm in deep trouble.