Not-So-Bad Monday

As I type, I'm munching on a "healthy" brownie. Sometime last year, My Aunt Lala told me about "black bean brownies". Immediately my face cringed. "That sounds gross," I told her. She insisted they were delicious and that you couldn't even taste the beans. So this evening I searched allrecipes.com for black bean brownies. There was only one recipe, and I tried it.

The brownies really aren't that bad. There is no flour or leavening agents in this recipe, so the texture is a little different. It's texture seems dry, but it's strangely moist at the same time. One thing is for sure: my chocolate craving has been satisfied, and I feel good knowing I added a little extra fiber and protein to my diet.

Aside from my baking adventure, Toby and I went on another walk. We saw a super cute Westie on the opposite side of a chain linked fence. They became instant friends. When we got home he slept like a rock. Finally. He is so high energy that usually a walk only peps him up. Maybe it's because his walks are becoming more regular. One point for me. Somehow I summoned the energy after our walk to do Turbo Jam's 20 minute "Ab Jam". It burned soo good. It was after that workout that I craved the brownies. That better not become a regular thing, or I'm in deep trouble.

Aha!

Last night while doing what I do best (pinteresting), I came across the fact that fiber makes you feel full longer. My diet hardly includes an ounce of fiber, and considering my endless pit of a stomach recently, I decided to give fiber a try. So this morning, while filling my fancy shmancy Total Nutrition shaker with my Alkalizing Fuel (on day 2 now), I added a tablespoon of Citrucel to it that we happened to have in the cabinet. Usually I can finish my cup of oatmeal, but this morning I couldn't even finish half of it. That once forgotten feeling of a full stomach came back, and I was thrilled. Aside from the large mug of ice cream that I just finished consuming, my day was not spent shoving my face with crackers. It feels so good to have a normal appetite! It's something I took for granted. Never again.

Aside from my blunder of the sweet, creamy, comforting taste of 12 ounces of ice cream (boy that sounds like a lot! but it's only 1.5 cups... only) I took my dog for a walk. My poor 7.5 month old puppy has only gone on about 10 walks. We kept up a good pace, and I made sure we didn't come back home until we had walked for a total of 30 minutes. It was a sweet victory within a dark and gloomy week for me, especially since yesterday was spent in my bed. Eating animal crackers.

Toby on our walk today

My medicine doesn't seem to be doing its job anymore. My doctor has me at 150mg of Seroquel XR now. The first week of taking 100mg was amazing. It was wonderful being myself again for the first time in nearly 6 years. If anyone is reading this, please pray for me. God is my only hope.