Brand New Day

Quite obviously, yesterday was not a good day for me. But with help from my husband, a few others, and a burning desire within, I picked myself right back up. It seemed like an eternity since I have seen Tony after only missing him for one day. It felt so good to be in agonizing pain once again. Gotta love those wall sits. And seriously, can anyone even do those one-legged wall sits? Anyone?
*chirping crickets*
I didn't think so.

Toby and I went on a walk again today. That poor guy hasn't been on a walk since I began P90X. Tony has been kicking my butt so hard I haven't had any energy for my pup. That hyper-active little ball of fur is finally asleep right now. Mission fully accomplished.
Here are some inspiring words that I came across on Pinterest last night. Boy I love that site.
P.S. I quit the 3 day cleanse, and I'm totally fine with that :)

Wait... WHAT?!

You mean I can have before & during photos, too??? You mean like all the ones you see and think to yourself "ahh that's just photoshopped" and "they must have energy coming out of their ears"?? YES I CAN! And no I hardly have any energy, just sheer will power. That's 12 DAYS BABY! That's not even 2 weeks! 5.1 inches and 6.8 lbs! Holy smokes, Batman! I'm awesome!
Ok, I'm not as depressed as my last blog entry :)

Numbers

Guess what??? My mind and body are awake, and it's before 11am. That is rare. No matter how early or late I go to bed, my body always needs at least 12 hours of sleep. It's an effect depression has on me. Lexapro has been in my system for over a year now, and Seroquel XR for just over two months. Energy always feels so out of my reach, even with taking these two medications. And even though I feel wide awake right now, my body stills feels heavy with fatigue.

That is what a good day for my body feels like. I have just taken the last gulp of my Alkalizing Fuel/Citrucel concoction. It has been 9 days now of adding these to my diet. It seems to help immediately after taking it, but so far I'm not seeing it as an all day solution. I do plan to finish the bottle though, and maybe even skip a day at some point to see if I feel worse.

Another good thing about today, is that my stomach doesn't feel so swollen and heavy like it has been. I really want to weigh myself to see if I lost any weight, but I promised myself that I won't weigh my body until the day before my birthday (February 9th). The numbers I see on the scale are ruining me. My emotions become so wrapped up in the 3 digit number that lights up on our scale. I can't keep doing that to myself. So far I haven't weighed myself since the 23rd, which has been a week free of torcher.

Today I plan to take my sweet Toby for another walk. I'm hoping my mom will go with me. It's only been a few days since I have seen her, but I miss her already. My stomach is aching badly from yesterday's Ab Jam. It's a very missed feeling that I welcome back with wide open arms. Hopefully this momentum of working out keeps going, because it might be the only way to give my body the extra boost of energy it so desperately needs every day.

Aha!

Last night while doing what I do best (pinteresting), I came across the fact that fiber makes you feel full longer. My diet hardly includes an ounce of fiber, and considering my endless pit of a stomach recently, I decided to give fiber a try. So this morning, while filling my fancy shmancy Total Nutrition shaker with my Alkalizing Fuel (on day 2 now), I added a tablespoon of Citrucel to it that we happened to have in the cabinet. Usually I can finish my cup of oatmeal, but this morning I couldn't even finish half of it. That once forgotten feeling of a full stomach came back, and I was thrilled. Aside from the large mug of ice cream that I just finished consuming, my day was not spent shoving my face with crackers. It feels so good to have a normal appetite! It's something I took for granted. Never again.

Aside from my blunder of the sweet, creamy, comforting taste of 12 ounces of ice cream (boy that sounds like a lot! but it's only 1.5 cups... only) I took my dog for a walk. My poor 7.5 month old puppy has only gone on about 10 walks. We kept up a good pace, and I made sure we didn't come back home until we had walked for a total of 30 minutes. It was a sweet victory within a dark and gloomy week for me, especially since yesterday was spent in my bed. Eating animal crackers.

Toby on our walk today

My medicine doesn't seem to be doing its job anymore. My doctor has me at 150mg of Seroquel XR now. The first week of taking 100mg was amazing. It was wonderful being myself again for the first time in nearly 6 years. If anyone is reading this, please pray for me. God is my only hope.