Anxiety Up The Wazoo

Today I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I felt that if I saw or spoke to anyone I would burst out in tears. On my way to my friend's house to drop something off, I began to ask myself a series of questions that sometimes helps.
* Am I going to die? No.
* Am I being forced to do something I don't want to? No.
* Did someone say something hurtful to me? No.
* Is something bad about to happen? No.
Seriously, why did I feel like crying? I was going to a bunco party but ended up canceling because my anxiety was getting out of control. But even after I knew I didn't have to go, I still felt like crying uncontrollably. It never makes sense. Anxiety never does. I'm glad I was driving, because when I do I am able to see God's amazing artwork that surrounds me where I live.

Redding is beautiful. When I moved here, I didn't plan to stay long, but now I never want to leave. Seeing the snow covered mountains that ascend from dark to light colors are a breathtaking view that even after 5 years, I do not take for granted.

View of Mt. Shasta

Sundial Bridge

And my favorite - Whiskeytown Lake <3

Even at this moment though, I still have anxiety. Some of it has to do with the fact that I haven't worked out in two days. In my defense (against my own mind) I am menstruating. Now remember I hardly have any energy to begin with. So for the past two days I have been sleeping. Being awake hurts. It doesn't help that my father-in-law brought home more deliciousness.

Someone please tell my father-in-law to hide his stash in his room. Please.

See what I'm dealing with here? Months ago he bought criss-cut fries in bulk, and those are so easy to pop in the air cooker. Why is eating healthy so hard? Why is sugar so addicting? This fitness journey is getting harder by the day. And I have to admit, that the beautiful orange square on the 29th of February was filled in before I worked out. I had every intention to do Kenpo X. Honest. My body hasn't done any working out since Monday. Ugh. It does NOT feel good. Tony I miss you. Energy needs to come in a magic pill that I can take once and I'll forever be an energizer bunny. Please pray for me.

Brand New Day

Quite obviously, yesterday was not a good day for me. But with help from my husband, a few others, and a burning desire within, I picked myself right back up. It seemed like an eternity since I have seen Tony after only missing him for one day. It felt so good to be in agonizing pain once again. Gotta love those wall sits. And seriously, can anyone even do those one-legged wall sits? Anyone?
*chirping crickets*
I didn't think so.

Toby and I went on a walk again today. That poor guy hasn't been on a walk since I began P90X. Tony has been kicking my butt so hard I haven't had any energy for my pup. That hyper-active little ball of fur is finally asleep right now. Mission fully accomplished.
Here are some inspiring words that I came across on Pinterest last night. Boy I love that site.
P.S. I quit the 3 day cleanse, and I'm totally fine with that :)

Because You're Kicking Ass

I'm no Average Joe that just started working out. My body has been slowly deteriorating from being in bed so often, bound there by my severe depression.
Today while doing day 6 of P90X (Kenpo X) I just wanted to quit. There was no energy in the first place to workout, let alone crawl out of bed. But my husband began P90X in the living room, and I knew I just had to get it done.
After I finshed changing into workout clothes, I set up shop in the office. Minute 45 came up, and I wanted to quit, but gave it 5 more minutes. Minute 29 came and I wanted to quit again, but I gave it 5 more minutes. By the time I reached minute 15, I knew I had to finish. And I did. The minute Tony faded into black on the screen I began sobbing. It was one of those really good cries that needed to be let out. I went to the bathroom, splashed cold water on my face and went to the kitchen for a protein drink. My husband saw me, dropped what he was doing and came to me.
Husband: "Are you ok?"
Me: "I don't know... I don't even know why I'm crying," (still crying)
Husband: "Wanna know why you're crying?"
Me: "I don't know.... why?"
Husband: "Because you're kicking ass."

Change Is Happening!

The only difference I have felt in the way I looked from two weeks ago is that my stomach is less bloated. I was going to wait until the day before my birthday to weigh myself again, but I just couldn't help it. This morning I weighed myself and I am 5.2 pounds lighter. I was so ecstatic that I decided to measure my body while I was at it. What was more exciting than that 5.2 pounds, is the 4.1 inches that I have burned off all over my body. Wow. It's really happening! Change really can happen to my body. I never thought it could.
Later this afternoon I start P90X, and if Chalene has helped me burn off that much in one week, then I can't wait to see what Tony helps me do.