Numbers

Guess what??? My mind and body are awake, and it's before 11am. That is rare. No matter how early or late I go to bed, my body always needs at least 12 hours of sleep. It's an effect depression has on me. Lexapro has been in my system for over a year now, and Seroquel XR for just over two months. Energy always feels so out of my reach, even with taking these two medications. And even though I feel wide awake right now, my body stills feels heavy with fatigue.

That is what a good day for my body feels like. I have just taken the last gulp of my Alkalizing Fuel/Citrucel concoction. It has been 9 days now of adding these to my diet. It seems to help immediately after taking it, but so far I'm not seeing it as an all day solution. I do plan to finish the bottle though, and maybe even skip a day at some point to see if I feel worse.

Another good thing about today, is that my stomach doesn't feel so swollen and heavy like it has been. I really want to weigh myself to see if I lost any weight, but I promised myself that I won't weigh my body until the day before my birthday (February 9th). The numbers I see on the scale are ruining me. My emotions become so wrapped up in the 3 digit number that lights up on our scale. I can't keep doing that to myself. So far I haven't weighed myself since the 23rd, which has been a week free of torcher.

Today I plan to take my sweet Toby for another walk. I'm hoping my mom will go with me. It's only been a few days since I have seen her, but I miss her already. My stomach is aching badly from yesterday's Ab Jam. It's a very missed feeling that I welcome back with wide open arms. Hopefully this momentum of working out keeps going, because it might be the only way to give my body the extra boost of energy it so desperately needs every day.